It Is Not Good For Man To Be Alone (part one)

It is not good for man to be alone.

In all of history, it’s the first thing that God identified as “not good”. Up until then, all of creation was good.  Dry land, water, vegetation, the sun and the moon, separation of light and darkness, living creatures.  He saw that it was good. Then God created man and it was self-evident. It is not good for man to be alone.

You would think the church would put more focus on this, based on that revelation alone.
Because when God saw that it was not good, He went right to work making introductions.

God: Have you met horse? Horse is helpful, strong, and really quite beautiful.
Man:
God: Yeah, not a great mate huh? 

After exhausting introductions with all the animals, God created a help meet. Woman.

God wasted no time recognizing the tragedy of man, alone in the world.

But the Church.  The Church takes it for granted. Everyone shows up married, apparently. 

Let’s strengthen marriages, the church says. Let’s build strong families. Yes. Of Course!

You single people… take care of your own needs. But you know, don’t sin… stay chaste, in return we’ll ignore you when you show up at Mass on Sundays. But could you volunteer for this and that… you know, since you have so much free time because you’re alone.

And we shouldn’t complain about it either. That one I don’t understand.  

When The Church plunks World Marriage Day down on the same week of Valentine’s Day (also known as Single’s Awareness Day)  – it is a bit of insult added to injury.

Hey, I’m more than happy to focus on strong marriages. I support all of my married friends, encouraging them through their struggles, rejoicing in their joys, making sweet baby gifts, offering to babysit so they can have time alone, together.

 

A little reciprocity would be nice. Just a little acknowledgement that it must be hard to approach and then live your 40s without marking any grownup milestones like marriage and children, not to mention the horror of facing family dynamics at holiday gatherings. (Sweet Lord, take me now.)

Admittedly, the Catholic Church was completely unprepared for the fallout of the sexual revolution. Logically, the Nice Catholic Boys and Girls weren’t going to succumb to it.  What the Church was unable to realize, is that the Nice Catholic Boys and Girls suffer the repercussions in ways those who participate in the debauchery never will.  When the rest of the culture delays marriage, it has a ripple effect. Men and women who wanted a life of marriage and family, live without both.

The irony is a tragedy. Because secular feminists get to have babies. They may not want them, but they get them. They may never have a wedding, but they get the family. Meanwhile the chaste, single Catholic Girl prays for an opportunity to have babies, but those babies will not turn up until a Nice Catholic Boy gets his head and heart into gear.

God was distressed to realize that it is not good for man to be alone. So much so, that He set forth to do something about it, pretty immediately. Why then, is the Church so stubbornly opposed to intervene in what is “not good” for it’s single population?

It is not good for women to mourn the loss of their fertility, while still hoping and praying for a husband. It is not good for men to live without companionship, to rely on p*rnography as a substitute for intimate relationships or to be so concerned about losing everything in a divorce that they never take on the risk of loving someone, united with God.

What is the Church doing for Adult Catholic Singles?

When will they start thinking about it? 

The Wait

Can't say that I'm a Bachelor fan.
I've always found it too strange that every time a girl gets sent home, the voice over insists that she's heartbroken.

But I digress.

The latest Bachelor wedding celebrated the union of Sean and Catherine. I didn't watch the full coverage. I'll admit I totally missed the wedding, but I saw the hour-long build up and I have to say it was strange.

The producers of the show made such a big deal about this couple saving sexual intimacy for their wedding night, that it was a bit disturbing.

I love that they waited, and that they weren't shy and hush-hush about the fact that they weren't dig'n each other's bones during the entire engagement... it's nice to see some Christian values.
But the emphasis the show put on it was bizarre.
Would they do the opposite?

"Jack and Jill are getting married in the next hour. They have been having lots of sex, and they seem to be very good at it. Which is very important because we can't trust that two people are meant for each other and prepared for marriage unless they are good at boinking each other. So thank heavens this marriage will last because they boinked."

See how ridiculous it sounds?

I've never understood the concept that a couple needs to test the waters, or worse yet, "test drive" before they get married, because, "Sex is such an important part of marriage."  Sexual compatibility must be proven before you commit to one another? How weird.

You know what - I think there are a lot of men in the world with whom I could be sexually compatible. But finding someone I could share a life with? That is really hard to find!

Methinks the emphasis is on all the wrong things.

I give this Bachelor couple credit for focusing on true compatibilty over their baser instincts.

Calling Sin Sin

Calling sin what it is, is not hate. It is love.

The attitudes surrounding everything from the HHS Contraceptive Mandate, to the Duck Dynasty Debacle, seem to be that if Christians or Catholics disagree with something, it can only be about hate.

If we speak out against free, universally accepted and ingested birth control, it's a War Against Women! Wha? What?!

When Phil Roberston pointed out homosexual sex is unnatural, sinful... it was identified as hate speech.  Why does anyone think if one doesn't support what they consider wrong behavior - that they must hate the people involved?

I think that is really twisted thinking. It makes me wonder if the "You-are-filled-with-hate" finger-pointers, are actually the ones who hate. If they can't comprehend disagreeing with someone without wishing that someone ill will, what does that say about them?

The most loving thing you do for someone, is to encourage them to do better.
When you're raising a child, you point them in the way to go. It is the loving thing to do.
And I can see why adults don't want to be corrected. But you just can't ignore truth.

Truth is the truth even when no one believes it.

A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. 

How do we help people to understand that sharing the truth is loving? Even when they disagree. Especially when we disagree.

Duck, Duck. Whose Goose is Cooked?

All the fuss over the Duck Dynasty debacle has proven only one thing. A&E needs the Roberston's more than the Robertson's need A&E.

Duck Dynasty - Photo Credit: Parade.com

What did the network think? That these self-proclaimed Christians were going to deny their beliefs? Go against their faith? That they were going to put up and shut up?
That in itself is proof that the executives at A&E don't understand Christianity at all.

Following Jesus Christ is not about convenience. It's not the least bit convenient. It's about believing what truth is. Living in the truth isn't easy. Christians and Catholics live a harder path. It's harder to do right than to just do okay. People, we mere humans, don't get to decide what is a sin and what isn't.

Well, that's the question that Phil Robertson was answering. Or more accurately, he was trying to explain what his understanding of sin is, in the way that it matters in his life.

According to Wikipedia:

On December 18, 2013, A&E announced that it was suspending Phil Robertson from the show indefinitely over remarks he made during an interview with Drew Magary of GQ magazine.^[64] During the interview for a featured article in GQ's January 2014 issue, titled "What the Duck?", Magary asked Robertson: "What, in your mind, is sinful?"^[65] Robertson replied: 

"Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men." Continuing rhetorically, Robertson questioned the appeal of same-sex relationships, particularly amongst men, saying: "It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.”^[66]

A&E released a statement that read: "We are extremely disappointed to have read Phil Robertson's comments in GQ, which are based on his own personal beliefs and are not reflected in the series Duck Dynasty. His personal views in no way reflect those of A&E Networks, who have always been strong supporters and champions of the LGBT community. The network has placed Phil under hiatus from filming indefinitely."^[64]

Christians and Catholics don't have the luxury of just shrugging their shoulders and saying, "Well, okay. Whatever you want, I guess." We are called to stand up and defend what is right, what is true.

Sure it's convenient to acknowledge that times have changed, and these days, sex before marriage is normal, so if it's normal it must not be a sin, and those Christians and Catholics ought to just get with the times.

Myself, I've struggled with the Church's position on homosexuality. I have friends who are gay. They are wonderful people and I love them. That's not to say that I don't believe the act of homosexuality is sinful. (note the distinction: the act, not the condition is sin.) Likewise, I have friends who are straight who have lived together, presumably sexually active prior to their marriage. I love them too. I have friends who sleep with most of the people they date, committed or not. I think THAT is really messed up. But I love them.

I'm a sinner too. Yet I am loved.

But here's what I don't understand about how the media spins these kinds of things out of proportion.
Christians are pretty clear about what they know to be sinful.
When we say we don't believe in premarital sex, when we point out that extra-marital affairs are sinful - secular society just points and laughs and calls us ridiculous.  See above, we're just supposed to get with the times.

They write us off as lunatics and get on with their lives.

So why is it, when Christians point out that homosexuality is a sin - people get fired? It's called hate speech and people start drawing up lawsuits.

Why don't they just write Christians off as silly, self-righteous fools and ignore them then?

I have some ideas. What are yours?

Anticipating and Serving Needs

My parish has a tough time organizing Lectors, Eucharistic Ministers and Altar Servers.
We have set schedules for the weekend Masses, but not for Holy Days of Obligation. (Even for weekend Masses, those assigned fail to show up, or even attempt to find a replacement, but that's another topic.) 

A few weeks ago, at a Sunday, 10:00AM Mass, there were NO altar servers! Zero. Our priest processed down the aisle alone, no crucifix, no candles... I think there was a Lector escorting the Word... but I'll admit I was embarrassed and ashamed that there were no servers, and no one from the assembly sent their sons forward!
I do hope this problem is rare in other parishes.

Tonight, I attended my church's All Saints Day Mass at 6:00PM. Since there had already been an early morning Mass, and another for the school children, there were only about thirty people attending Mass.
When I walked in, I was prepared to do a reading or both if necessary, but I saw that there was someone prepared for that. As soon as I sat down, the choir director came over to ask if I could serve as Eucharistic Minister. My only concern was that I had just come from work, wearing jeans, but service outweighed that concern.

More concern arose though, when the priest processed all alone.  My mind flashed forward to the consecration, visualizing the priest trotting back and forth with the water and wine. I couldn't even imagine how that would work, logistically!

You see, I was raised to always help out whenever there was a need. My parents were a great example. Not just at church, but throughout life.
My dad, at age seventy-five told me that he often found himself as an altar server for funeral Masses back home. Since few kids could get out of school to serve for funerals, Dad would put on his suit, go to the funerals of his peers, and volunteer as an altar server for such farewell Masses.
When he told me, it struck me funny to picture an elderly man in a suit, doing what I considered a kid's form of ministry.

But this evening, that impression changed. I considered going up there myself! Although I'm from the generation in which girls were never servers, I thought I could make a go of it, awkward as it might be.

I looked around and saw a man in his late 20s with his wife, and considered asking him to serve. I looked to my left and saw a boy around 12 or 14, (Hmm, maybe older, considering he was alone - maybe he could drive!) then got up my nerve, walked across the side aisle and asked the boy if he knew how to serve Mass.  He said he did. "Would you please help Father?"

Keep in mind, Mass had already begun! Perhaps I was out of line, but I felt it was important.
The boy went up, put on a cassock and went into service.

I was pleased. This was a small act of mercy on his part.
After Mass, the choir director thanked me for nudging the boy, and told me that normally, that boy's father would nudge him to go up.

Now, I'm going to be a little opinionated here - but maybe this experience will give him the presence of mind to step in to serve without a nudge. As he's getting older, maybe he will learn to see needs, and fill them without a second thought.

Of course, the larger issue is getting the ancillary service of Mass better organized. I guess I'll call Father next week to offer my services and those of Sign Up Genius - and crack the whip!


--This post is not an advertisement for any product. To be perfectly honest, I haven't even tried the product in the above link yet. I just think it might help us to garner some accountability. --

To Seek and To Walk the Narrow Way

These days, those of us striving to live on the narrow path, according to the will of God, find that we are living counter to the culture.

We are so far off the beaten path, that the secular world, (even some Christian folks) simply can't understand why we Catholics live as we do. Sometimes, even we Catholics aren't sure why we do it.

This blog is for everyone who needs a little support to walk the narrow way.

Single adults are particularly on my heart, as the Holy Church isn't quite sure what to do with us.  This may be the first time in Church History that so many singles face the challenge of a missed vocation.
Many are called to marriage as a vocation, but because so many others have strayed to the easier, secular path, they are left without a spouse.
Tricky thing, the Sacrament of Marriage calls two people at a time.

I hope married Catholics will participate here as well. We all have something to share, we must learn from one another, and support each other in our walk.

Look for faithful reflections, tips for surviving as a searching single, and hopefully some guest posts on even more topics.

Also, I ask for your help with this blog.  If you have questions about the faith, or how to live your faith in a world that no longer respects religious freedom and the differences that come from that - please ask your questions here. 

I can't promise to have an answer, but I do promise to search for an answer. Even better, we can build a community here to help one another with what we know.

More posts to come!

(status 8/25/2013 - I am writing posts behind the scenes to launch any day now. Because I desire to present proper theology, I know I must reflect and pray before I post so please bear with me for the inaugural post!
In the meantime - what are your thoughts on Pope Francis' call for a Theology of Woman? )